Monday, September 13, 2004

Body Modification

I've taken the plunge.

After much careful consideration - weighing the pros and cons of what some may consider to be a radical alteration to an otherwise nondescript body part - I have elected to untertake a painful and personal procedure.

This is just for me. While there may be some evidence to the trained eye, most people will never know the secret hidden beneath my clothing.

But I'll know ...
Just walking down a hallway at my office will bring interesting new sensations of pressure and presence of which only I will be aware. Like having a tooth pulled, my thoughts will frequently turn to the unique newness of sensation radiating outward from its source. Pleasure and pain- twin mistresses petulant as pouting children - will tug at my sleeve, insatiable in their desire for my attention, rarely allowing my thoughts to drift far from their influence.

My birth certificate - that document that sought to quantify, label and declare will no longer hold the whole truth of me. Indeed, a crucial evidence of my arrival attested in that document will no longer be correct.

This is no mere cosmetic change I am undertaking. My modifications will go deeper than skin, reaching into very bone and sinew - an evolution of my body parts into a new form never before known by me. My own mother wouldn't recognize them as mine ...

What is this dark secret? Why would I undertake such a change? (Why won't I just get to the point?)

From birth, I've been very flat-footed. My birth certificate clearly shows to longish, flat blobs with toes, where otherwise I'd have properly-formed feet. I'm sure this was quite endearing to my mother, but it makes for quickly-tired legs, among other complaints.

I've recently been measured for orthotics to try an introduce an arch in my feet to combat the improper alignment of my feet, knees, hips and back that have been causing me an increasing level of pain as I have aged. This can be compared to orthodontic braces for teeth, to correct for improper alignment that may cause problems otherwise unrelated to teeth. In my case, trying to align bones in my feet that have been settled in their current position for nearly 36 years is likely to cause a fair amount of discomfort, and my enthusiasm for proper alignment will most likely be severely curbed by the sensation of walking with a golf ball in each shoe. Each day, I am to increase my self-inflicted torture duration by a half-hour until I finally reach the point of being able to tolerate constant contact with my slowly evolving feet.

So perhaps the next time someone suggests to me that I "get bent," I'll be able to tell them that "I already am, thank you."

6 Comments:

Blogger Dianne said...

Welcome to the club! I wear prescription orthotics, too. I'm a veteran - been wearing them since high school. Believe you me, they're a Godsend. And do heed the advice to start wearing them for short periods of time - even when I get a new pair to replace a worn-out pair, I sometimes have to limit my use of the new ones.

Good luck and good alignment.

September 13, 2004  
Blogger Dianne said...

P.S. Because you're probably curious to know how your format of writing this post came across... I first thought you were getting a tattoo and then I thought you were getting your nipples pierced. Then I knew you were just fluffing up an otherwise boring procedure that I couldn't rightly identify until you spelled it out :-)

September 13, 2004  
Blogger HeadCheese said...

Mission accomplished ... ;-) I thought about making some below-the-waist references to further darken the tone and arouse (pun intended) suspicions, but decided to let people just fill in their own blanks.

H/C

P.S. These things really hurt! This morning is starting out kind of rough.

September 14, 2004  
Blogger Dianne said...

Re: "these things really hurt"...

You'll find in due time that they become way more comfortable than not wearing them. It amazes me in the summertime when I wear sandals how uncomfortable I can feel. And then to slip on a pair of shoes with my orthotics is like returning my feet to their rightful home. Aaaaah! will turn into Ahhhh.... before you know it.

September 14, 2004  
Blogger Richard said...

Mine are still in the package. Mr Cheese you are a braver man than I.

September 16, 2004  
Blogger Jason said...

I came to this site from your comment at Kim du Toit's, so when you were saying;

"Just walking down a hallway at my office will bring interesting new sensations of pressure and presence of which only I will be aware. Like having a tooth pulled, my thoughts will frequently turn to the unique newness of sensation radiating outward from its source."

I just figured you were talking about starting to pack a pistol around. It sort of feels the same way, "rarely allowing my thoughts to drift far from their influence."

THEIR influence? Does that mean you are packing a back-up gun too?

Good day to you.

November 20, 2004  

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